Who is in Your Foxhole
David Goggins said “Who you surround yourself with matters! That foxhole mentality that I talk about is a real thing. You want to be around people who challenge you to the core of your soul and make you find more of yourself when you believe you have no more left.” I first learned of Goggins ‘foxhole mentality’ from his book, Never Finished.
David Goggins has been referred to as the ‘toughest man alive’ due to his accomplishments in the endurance athlete world; as well as being considered the only member of the US Armed Forces to have completed Navy SEAL training, Army Ranger School and Air Force tactical air training controller training. His first book, Can’t Hurt Me, chronicled his troubled childhood from being abused by his father to being the subject of racism. If you haven’t read his books, I strongly encourage you to pick them up this summer. In the meantime, let’s look more into the Foxhole Mentality.
I think we are all familiar with the saying “you are only as good as the people you surround yourself with.” Or “show me your five best friends and I’ll tell you your future.” I think, as adults, we know that if our kids hang out with the ‘bad crowd’ they will likely head down the path of trouble. We want our kids to associate themselves with ‘good eggs’, to take the right path. But how does this apply to baseball and your child’s baseball development? It’s simple. If your child hangs out with baseball players that don’t work hard, chances are your child won’t work hard. Or, if they hang out with non-baseball players, chances are your child won’t be doing baseball-related activities in their free time. Both will lead to a slow development. Or will it?
This presents a difficult situation for not just us as parents; but also for our kids. Our child’s friends may not be serious about baseball; or may not even play baseball, but they are good kids. But we know that our son is serious about the game and if they want to stay in the fast-lane of development, they will need to spend less time with those friends. We HAVE to have these conversations with them. We need to talk to them about Foxhole Mentality. But we also need to help them find a balance, because that is an option.
Finding a balance is possible. Our kids can stay in the fast-lane of development while also maintaining healthy relationships with their “non-baseball” friends. But we have to provide the guidance. Getting to the ‘next level’ (College Baseball) does NOT require 24/7 dedication. Yes, it does require a serious commitment; but that serious commitment means to be ALL-IN when you are practicing. I see kids spending hours at The Baseball Zone; but they aren’t all-in. They spend half the time chatting. They could have spent half the time there working their butts off and then had time to go home and hang with friends or work on their academics to really enhance their ‘resume’.
Our foxhole can be made up of all types; and it should. We need balance. We need people around us to question our intent as that is a healthy way of us affirming our true desires. We need people around us who can help us ‘get away’ when we need a break. But we also need those that challenge us to stay in the fast-lane of development. If our child’s goal is to play as long as possible, there most certainly needs to be people in their foxhole that challenge them; that push them to keep going when things get tough; that keep them grounded when they have had success and feel they reached the finish line, when in fact it’s just a false summit.
Your child’s foxhole needs to be filled. It doesn’t have to be with friends that play baseball; or friends that do play but lack the desire to play at the next level. BUT, they all must respect their intentions on playing at the next level. They must all respect when your son would rather go hit than watch a movie. So its not a necessity that they share a common skillset or a common desire; but it is a non-negotiable that they all share a respect for your son’s desire to be the best possible baseball player.